Do you know that scene in 'Hook'?
The lost boys are looking at the "old, fat man", trying to see Peter Pan. One of the boys pulls back the wrinkles making the skin smooth and forcing Peter's face into a smile. "Oh,
ser you are Peter!"
That's how I felt a couple of days ago. I have gone for some time not really feeling like myself, but the strangest part was I didn't look like myself either. There have been plenty of times in the past where I have examined my behavior and thought "have I always been like this?" And then I can remember versions of myself that were happier or livelier, and I can become that way again (with some work). But it has been odd to stare into the mirror and wonder if I have always looked this way.
A couple of days ago, I felt like myself more than I have in a really long time. I made the kind of jokes that I remember making with Heather in Boston and at camp. The kind that made everyone laugh and keep listening for more. We could command attention for hours on end just telling stories of our childhood. I also smiled without feeling like I had to force the sides of my face to part to make the room for my lips, or in other words, I didn't have to fake the kind of smile where you bite the insides of your cheeks to make it look real. The best part was when I went to put my hair up for bed, I saw the real me in the mirror. I had to do a double take. OH!...
Ser you are Nora!
I wish I knew what made the change, and I hope I can hold onto it. So far so good. Nora was there when I woke up the next day, and she hasn't left yet. She's not in full story-telling glory, but she's starting to remember how to tell them.
